Due to increasing product liability litigation, American beer
brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers :

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an
asshole.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring
story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN !!!

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your pants.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may make your think you can logically
converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung
Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning
and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't
remember).

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing
WITH you.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space
continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem
to literally disappear.

WARNING :
The consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.